The love of a mother

When I was young, I always thought any new parent who gushed with pride whenever they talk about their young offspring was simply bonkers. Their star-gazed looks, for me, was just over-the-top.

As for those who lost their children, I would some feel sad, but never overwrought. Cry for them? Well, for me back then, why? what for? The child is now with Allah... well, you cry, and, get on with life. Those newspaper stories back then did make me sad somehow, I was even sad when Sudirman passed away- all for a minute or two. But to actually feel despair, worry over other people's kids was not my cup of tea.

Part of that feeling came with the fact that as a child, I never experienced losing anyone really important to me. I remember losing my two Moyang Tangkak, greatuncles and greataunts, like Tok Teh, Tok Long, and a few other relatives like Pak Teh Keluang, Tok Long Bindu & Tg Labuh, tok Wak n Tok Yang next door in Chinchin, etc... Then, during my first semester in campus, I lost a good friend, Eiza Suhanim. I did shed a tear or two then, well, she was a dear friend of mine. I heard of how distraught her mom was, how she would visit her grave everyday... And I thought, 'sayang betul mak dia kat dia kan?' But the next day, life went on for me. I did lose a few more friends over the years - the affable Uncle Chan, the Rozi, Ahmad Safri...

And then, in 1997, I became a mom. My world turned, topsy-turvy, and I became all that I never thought I'd be... I was star-gazed when talking about my beautiful kids... They are, definitely the cutest, wittiest, creatures on Earth for me. When Busu Selan was killed in a bike accident, I poured buckets of tears. Then, Tok Nit passed away on 3rd January 2006. I was inconsolable. On the way there, I had to stop by the roadside as my teary eyes made it impossible to see the road ahead.

Once, in class, I choked with emotion when I read Ben Johnson's My Son, My Executioner to my students. Thus, when I heard news of other people losing their child, the empathy I felt would make me sad for at least half a day... but I would definitely be voicing out what the parents would be feeling now n then over the next few days... as in the case of Nurin Jazlin, gosh, I think I became distracted for about a week or two when her body was discovered. The fact that the family didn't recognise her in the first place struck a chord so deep in me that I was teary-eyed almost the whole day. Even talking about it would reduce me to tears...

And on Monday, I received news that my second cousin, a six-month old suffering from Edward syndrome passed away the day before, I simply choked. Imagine, losing a child that you've carrried to full trem, cared for day-in day-out, losing sleep in the process, Ya Allah, kuatkanlah semangat Pakcik dan keluarganya...